You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
