you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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