What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
