She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
