In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal