my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch