It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.