Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he puts the penis in happiness.
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Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me