We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
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I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand