On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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