yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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