um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
