I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
bring money and cleavage
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
