So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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