I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
