he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
