dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
