Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
