unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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