i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
