ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
