i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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