why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
