you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
