**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
