That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
