Need sex. Gaining weight.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
