I love black thongs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
farters have to be the big spoon...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
