I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
