I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
