You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
