Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
