I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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