Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As shirtless as possible
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
