what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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