apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
