dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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