Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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