she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
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Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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