Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
