my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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