The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
