Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
