the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
