Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
