Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
