farters have to be the big spoon...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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