hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
