what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
