What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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