listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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