He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
