i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
