You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
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I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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