Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
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