Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
