my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
