3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
