The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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