dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
