Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
