im about as happy as oj after his trial
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
