I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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