Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
