I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
