you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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