matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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