I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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