if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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