one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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