Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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