I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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