someone get that fucking seahorse.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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