Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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